Sunday blues

img_0021I know many people, including my own parents, probably, who love sundays. It’s the only day of the week most people don’t have to work and can do whatever they want. Sleep in, have a big breakfast, go for a walk on the beach… However, personally, I’ve always hated sundays. They feel boring to me, and dusty, and it makes me feel stressed and restless. Sundays are the days I’m usually hungover on, and sundays are the days I still need to start my school projects on. The mornings, when I can sleep in, aren’t as bad as the nights, when more often than not, I’m sitting at my desk until 2 AM hating myself for not doing anything. Again.

I guess it’s the fact that the week is over, and the fact that you’ve got to wake up early on monday morning (and take an exam you didn’t study for at all, which is my current situation) and do it all again. The entire week, dressing up, letting people judge you, smiling because it’s easier, knowing no one is really on your side. Today was one of those sundays on which I just wanted to stay in bed all day, but I had to pretend to be studying instead.

I spend most of my sundays by myself in my room, looking ugly, feeling like fucking shit. I don’t know what it is about sundays, but they always manage to make me feel incredibly lonely. I never get anything done, all I do is regret everything, and cry. I try to make the most of it by having something good for breakfast or lunch, or by sitting downstairs and listening to some music, or by opening a window and just breathe in some fresh air, but nothing really gets rid of the drowning feeling sundays give me.

Honestly, sundays just make me feel the loneliness that’s always there. I can ignore it when I’m surrounded by friends any other day of the week, but when I’m physically alone on a sunday, there’s no denying anymore that the only one I can depend on, is me. And that’s not even true, as I am about as stable emotionally as a house of cards in a storm.

I hope, later in life, my sundays will get better.

What do you usually do on a sunday?

xxx

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One thought on “Sunday blues

  1. It breaks my heart to read these words. To know there are people out there who don’t believe anyone cares about them. Yet I understand because I’ve been there. It’s a sad reality in this life, but we’re never alone. You’re in my prayers, Megan.

    Liked by 1 person

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