Lately I’ve been finding it hard to find the line between doing something because I need to, or just because I want to.
I keep skipping my morning classes a few times a week, because I’d rather sleep, and feel like the class I’ve got isn’t that useful, anyways. Of course that is a shit reason on itself, as I’m pretty sure everyone would rather sleep than go to school, but there’s a reason why I sleep instead of go to school. It’s because I’ve been having some trouble sleeping, or, to be more specific, I’ve been feeling anxious about going to sleep.
Since I stopped cycling to school, and lost those 45 minutes I used to have just for myself every morning and every afternoon, everything has slowly become too much. Now, exactly one year later, I distract myself every minute of every day, from the minute I wake up until the minute I go to sleep. Literally. I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts anymore, because they drive me fucking insane, and they make me feel anxious. This is why I watch youtube videos until I’m so tired that I know I’ll fall asleep within five minutes when I put my laptop away.
Usually, that’s around 1:30 AM.
To be in time for my morning classes, I have to wake up at around 6:30 AM.
And only getting five hours of sleep every night for weeks on end, is not enough for me. I’m already overthink everything, always, and I already feel anxious most of the time, and if I were to keep up such a terrible sleeping schedule, I feel like I’d just lose myself somewhere.
Anyone got any solutions?