What’s Your Excuse?

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Lately I’ve been finding it hard to find the line between doing something because I need to, or just because I want to.

I keep skipping my morning classes a few times a week, because I’d rather sleep, and feel like the class I’ve got isn’t that useful, anyways. Of course that is a shit reason on itself, as I’m pretty sure everyone would rather sleep than go to school, but there’s a reason why I sleep instead of go to school. It’s because I’ve been having some trouble sleeping, or, to be more specific, I’ve been feeling anxious about going to sleep.

Since I stopped cycling to school, and lost those 45 minutes I used to have just for myself every morning and every afternoon, everything has slowly become too much. Now, exactly one year later, I distract myself every minute of every day, from the minute I wake up until the minute I go to sleep. Literally. I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts anymore, because they drive me fucking insane, and they make me feel anxious. This is why I watch youtube videos until I’m so tired that I know I’ll fall asleep within five minutes when I put my laptop away.

Usually, that’s around 1:30 AM.

To be in time for my morning classes, I have to wake up at around 6:30 AM.

And only getting five hours of sleep every night for weeks on end, is not enough for me. I’m already overthink everything, always, and I already feel anxious most of the time, and if I were to keep up such a terrible sleeping schedule, I feel like I’d just lose myself somewhere.

Anyone got any solutions?

xxx

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3 thoughts on “What’s Your Excuse?

  1. If you can, get back into cycling. The more you exert yourself during the day, the more tired and ready you will be to fall asleep at night. I’m in a similar situation as you and I recently started running 10km a day, finding that it actually does help. Leave me a message on any of my posts if you’d like to talk to a stranger who understands.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I have the same problem, I completely understand! I used to walk outside all the time, it was my escape from everything. Now working two jobs, keeping up in school, and maintaining a social life have caused me to stop taking that time for me. Now I’m plagued with thoughts and anxiety almost constantly. Just like you should get back into cycling, I should spend more time outside.

    Liked by 1 person

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