Me For Me

I'm having fun at work. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to say that, but work is good, the people are nice, I feel like I belong. It's when the day is over, when I get home to a quiet house, when I have nothing to do, nowhere to go and no … Continue reading Me For Me

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Square One

monday, may 15th: I spent the entire afternoon in the pool, by myself, naked. I went grocery shopping and cooked dinner. tuesday, may 16th: I had an appointment with my psychologist at 11 AM, then the guy I was seeing showed up at my house and told me he wanted to stop (seeing me). I … Continue reading Square One

38 Days

I'm forcing myself to write this down, even though I'm tired and all I really want to do is either cry, or cut my skin, or both. I need someone to tell me I'm not insane, because my own brain isn't reliable enough. You wouldn't trust your greatest enemy with your diary, would you? Well, … Continue reading 38 Days

About That

      Something that I don't ever really talk about to anyone, something that no one probably notices, yet something that's been taking up my energy for at least seven years, is my eating habits, and my body issues, which is something that influences my eating habits a LOT, as you can imagine. The … Continue reading About That

Ego

It was a slow conversation, the kind that lasts forever, but never really takes off. I know why. I'm boring when I don't drink. I texted you first, for a dumb ass reason, because I just wanted someone to talk to. You were on my mind, you always are these days, so I texted you, … Continue reading Ego

Two Sides

I feel like I have two moods. Either I feel like shit, and I'm exhausted; or I'm bored as hell and weirdly energetic. I can't really explain it. All I can say is that yesterday, I felt like absolute trash-- I was very tired, which probably added to that, and something pretty awful had happened … Continue reading Two Sides

Stuck

You know what, I'm actually so tired of living this way. I need something to change, within the next week. I can't do this for another week. I'm tired of spending all this time craving someone else's approval and never feeling good enough. I'm tired of waking up with no motivation at all to do … Continue reading Stuck

Flatline

The sound of the cleaning lady vacuuming in the living room wakes me up at around 10 AM and the first thing I notice is that I'm incredibly thirsty. I sit up and empty the glass of water I put next to my bed the day before (thank you, sober me) and the next thing I … Continue reading Flatline